The Chicken Catcher Wins it All

Kevin Skinner . . . not a great singer . . . not even a good singer . . . but I listen to every word that comes out of his mouth, in a way that not even many of the great singers and/or songwriters can muster.

When he sings songs, I discover those songs, and pay attention to them in ways I never thought I could, or would.

Case in point -- Well, where do I begin? "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith? Overblown cheesy rock ballad in Aerosmith's hands, amazing introspective poignant song in Kevin Skinner's hands.

Shall I continue? Oh c'mon . . . you've watched the shows and the performances . . . in my "Songs I Wish I Wrote" blog, I called Kevin Skinner after his first show on "America's Got Talent" a songwriter's best friend. Honestly, I didn't think I was calling the winner at that point, I was merely pointing out that he interprets songs in a way we haven't seen for many a moon . . . I'm talkin' Dionne Warwick, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Ray Price, and yes, even Willie Nelson and George Strait interpretations . . . no faint praise, indeed . . . but that's Kevin Skinner. A Chicken Catcher from Kentucky.

He doesn't (as far as I know) even write songs like Loretta Lynn, Tammy Wynette, George Jones, Dolly Parton, and yes, I'm going there . . . Hank Williams did, but he does deliver them. He does deliver.

A Chicken Catcher catches chicken, a singer catches songs. Kevin Skinner does both.

Steal a Beer, Go to Jail!

This poor guy just can't win. He loses his job, he shoplifts a beer and gets caught. He then demands to be allowed to drink the beer before he is taken into custody. That doesn't go well.

Can't a redneck get a break?!

Officials: Man demands to drink beer before arrest

BAYOU GEORGE, Fla. (AP) -- Authorities in the Florida Panhandle say they arrested a convenience store shoplifter who demanded to drink the 12-ounce beer he had stolen before being taken into custody.

The Bay County Sheriff's office says the man told the deputy he had recently lost his job of 13 years and wanted to drink beer. The man became combative when the deputy wouldn't let him finish it.

George R. Linthicum II was charged Wednesday with shoplifting, battery, possession of marijuana not more than 20 grams and smuggling contraband into a detention facility.

Bay County Jail officials said Thursday that Linthicum II was in jail and did not yet have an attorney.

He should of just walked into the store, grabbed a twelve pack, opened it up and started drinking one beer. When the clerk, says "Sir, you can't do that." He should've replied "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm gonna buy the twelve pack, but I want to look around some more, and I just lost my job. I guess I'm not thinking." Then he should have drunk some more, and eventually gone up to the register, as the clerk is explaining that alcohol cannot be consumed on the premises. Again apologizing he could fish around for money, all the time drinking, and bemoaning his lot in life.

He probably still would have been arrested, but he might have at least drank a beer first.

I mean times are tough, and I'd be hard pressed to deny anyone who just lost their job a brewski.

Yep, I DATED Joe Bob!!!

I'm not too proud of the fact that I dated John Bloom, aka Joe Bob Briggs . . . you see, it didn't end well (the beginning and middle were pretty fucked up too). But, every now and again I like to check in with his website and see what the ole redneck is up to. www.joebobbriggs.com

I have to admit, after almost ten years this "God Stuff" clip he did for Comedy Central holds up pretty well. Maybe I wasn't so crazy after all. On second thought, yeah, I was crazy . . .

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Bloom - God Stuff - Preaching and Shooting
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

And Rudolph wept.

Ted Kennedy Rides a Buckin' Bronc

As Ted Kennedy is laid to rest, many stories good and bad from his past are being recounted. I was surprised that he looked pretty good riding a buckin' bronc on the campaign trail for his brother. He was scared, but he did his homework (insisted on getting a bucker) and spurred out (probably not a regulation over the point of the shoulder, but he'd never ridden a bronc before) arm raised high with a big grin of determination on his face.

Whatever your politics, you have to admit he cowboyed up.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x6399974

They Shot My Truck Up With My 1 Year Old Baby Inside

The big story out of Marion, Alabama is the family feud riot that erupted earlier this week.

Sounds like a real Hatfield and McCoy type shindig, and the authorities are still trying to sort out the perps from the victims. Could be gang related, or just a bunch of rednecks fussin' and a feudin'.

"YEARS of quarreling between two families erupted into a small-town riot in which 150 screaming people hurled rocks and tools at each other and struck the police chief with a crowbar.

Families and their supporters lined opposite sides of street
'THEY shot my truck up with my 1-year-old baby inside,' said Littenger Moore, 30.

Problems continued at a high school the next morning, and a fight there resulted in two arrests. After the fight at the school, relatives of those arrested followed officers to police headquarters, where a crowd gathered.

Five men named either Moore or Sawyer and several minors were arrested on assault charges after Monday's violence, District Attorney Michael Jackson said.

In all, at least eight people were arrested. Authorities said a 2- or 3-year-old dispute between the two families prompted a melee that eventually swelled out of control to include friends and gang members.

'I saw a lady with a baseball bat,' said law office employee Debi Foster, who witnessed the scene from behind closed doors.

'There's still a broken mop in the driveway.' Officials said the disagreement between the families apparently originated with school children, but they didn't know the details.

'They came with guns, sticks, bricks, golf clubs. It was a bad situation,' said police chief Tony Bufford.

Mr Jackson said some of the people who took part in the melee sported tattoos with tear drops, which tend to indicate membership in a gang.

'Part of it actually could have been some gang activity,' Mr Jackson said. 'Part of it was families that didn't get along with each other. It's big families with a lot of friends.'

State police and officers from other west Alabama towns were called to keep the peace in Marion, a city of 3,300 about 85 miles (137 kilometres) west of Montgomery. Bufford was hit in the head with a crowbar but was fine.

The violence began on Sunday night when a fight fueled by the families' bad blood erupted after a basketball game, and at least one shot was fired."

I don't know anyone named Moore or Sawyer who sport tattooed tears, I thought that was more of a Mendoza or Menendez type of thing . . . but then the D.A. is named Michael Jackson, and the guy with the truck and the baby bears the first name "Littenger." Yep, Littenger. I don't know what is in the water in Marion, Alabama, but the EPA might want to check it out.

Even Jed Clampett knew to talk before shootin'.

Finally, in the Redneck Style Section . . .

And in the Redneck Money Saving Tips Section . . .

Redneck Fire Alarm

In the Dumb Redneck Criminal Section . . .

Barber tries to rob store over bad beef jerky

CLEVELAND (AP) -- Police said a Cleveland barber became so upset by what he considered bad beef jerky that he returned to the store where he bought it and tried to rob the owner. Police said the 28-year-old barber walked into the store where he bought the snack, just two doors down from his barbershop, and tried to rob the owner Thursday night.
The owner told the man he recognized him and chased him outside with a baseball bat.
The first police officer who arrived on the scene was also familiar with the barber because he cuts the officer's hair.
Police arrested the man at his girlfriend's house a few miles away.
The barber told police the stick of beef jerky he bought sickened him and his dog.

And in the Tasteless and Ironic News Section . . .

Man who stole Virgin Mary painting for abortion convicted of rape, theft -- yep, you read that headline correctly.

OMAHA, Neb. » A Nebraska man who stole a painting of the Virgin Mary to finance an abortion for a teen he raped has been convicted of first-degree sexual assault and felony theft.
Aurelio Vallerillo-Sanchez, 39, of Omaha pleaded no contest to the charges Friday and faces up to 70 years in prison when sentenced in October, Douglas County prosecutor Brenda Beadle said Saturday.
A call to the county public defender representing Vallerillo-Sanchez wasn't answered Saturday.
Beadle said Vallerillo-Sanchez fled to Mexico with the 300-year-old painting worth $100,000 and the pregnant teen in March 2007.
"The plan was that when they got to Mexico, she was to undergo an abortion," she said.
When an abortion wasn't possible, Vallerillo-Sanchez pushed to have the baby given up for adoption, Beadle said: "He wanted to do everything he could to get rid of this baby 'cause it was evidence against him."
The teen returned to Nebraska and later gave birth, the prosecutor said.
Vallerillo-Sanchez was arrested in February after DNA linked him to the September 2006 assault of the then-14-year-old girl.
His children gave police information about the theft during the investigation into the sexual assault. His son told police he served as a lookout as his father stole the painting from St. Cecilia Cathedral in Omaha. Vallerillo-Sanchez sold the painting for $3,000 in Mexico, his daughter told police.
Vallerillo-Sanchez has been linked to at least four other thefts in the Omaha area, but charges were not filed as part of a plea deal, Beadle said.

The Most Tasteless News Story of the Week . . .

We offer the story of Jasmine Fiore, the model whose lifeless body was so mutilated, they had to ID her by the serial number of breast implants.

They could have saved a lot of trouble and ID'ed her by her eyebrows.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_REALITY_CONTESTANT_SLAYING?SITE=NVLAS&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Velvet Elvis

Yup, Elvis died for our sins 32 years ago today. So, in keeping with the Elvis theme I offer up this joke for cheap laughs -

The Redneck Booty Call - "Can I come over and see your Velvet Elvis?"

And for a little more redneck entertainment (in case the bug zapper is starting to bore you) I present Larry the Cable Guy on food.

Jokes.com
Larry The Cable Guy - Waffle House
comedians.comedycentral.com
Roast of Larry the Cable Guy Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy

Miley Cyrus Pole Gate 2009

Miley comes by her trashy dance moves honestly, Okay! Can we move on now?



The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. BTW - the best part of Miley's performance is the head spinning male background dancers. Also props to the stylist who supplied the Daisy Dukes.

It didn't work for George Jones, but . . .

Man on Lawnmower During Beer Run Charged with DUI

BELLEVILLE, Ill. (AP) -- With a revoked license because of a previous drunken-driving conviction, Dennis Cretton shouldn't drive. But authorities said that didn't stop the 49-year-old man from drunkenly driving up to a gas station for more beer - on his yellow riding lawnmower.
Cretton was charged with felony aggravated driving under the influence after neighbors reported he was weaving in and out of traffic on his lawnmower Friday night.
When deputies tried to stop him, authorities said Bretton drove the mower into his home's front yard, his 12-pack of Milwaukee's Best spilling onto the ground along the way.
Cretton was free on $10,000 bond. Calls to his home went unanswered Tuesday.

Great Minds Think Alike

I discovered a great blog just now http://redneckmother.blogspot.com/

I highly recommend checking it out. While I can't personally relate to family life, raising kids and the like (I'm more like that weird creepy middle aged dude who hangs out at the complex pool all day smoking cigarettes and drinking cheap beer from his plastic cooler, obviously unemployed -- the guy you keep your kids away from), I can appreciate someone who can do it with such aplomb.

I salute you Redneck Mother!

K-Fed Stiffs Wait Staff at Wasted Space

Las Vegas runs on tokes (tips). So when a celebrity (even a Double D-list one like Britney Spears' ex) stiffs the wait staff, it is big news in Sin City.

This article in the Las Vegas Sun is the most read http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2009/jul/31/hard-rock-calls-out-k-fed-stiffing-servers/

The Hard Rock perpetuated this story through their social networking sites, and apparently thinks there is no such thing as bad press.

K-OverFed was in their resort to film a reality show (presumeably about his weight gain) and Wasted Space comped his party a couple of bottles of Grey Goose and some Red Bull.

He left without leaving a tip.

I question why he was comped in the first place, but a reality show can bring a lot of publicity to a Casino/Resort (look what the Real World did for the Palms), so I guess it isn't too unusual.

That assumption leads to another assumption that K-Fed probably expected a producer (these reality shows have hundreds of "producers" -- basically just annoying young kids (probably interns) running around acting as go-fers and such)to take care of a tedious task such as tipping.

That, or K-Fed is just a giant douchebag.

Hey, Even shlumpy baby daddies are feeling the pinch.

Oh! The Irony!!!

I just love the DIP, which is an acronym for "Day in Pictures." You can find these in many online newspapers, but my favorite is www.sfgate.com -- and since we got a car theme going, I offer you "Looks like someone needs a tow: Police in Lockport, N.Y., say the driver of this flatbed tow truck was talking on one cell phone and texting on another when he hit a car, careened across a lawn and took a dip."

DIP, indeed. Enjoy.

One Piece at a Time

Johnny Cash didn't need "Cash for Clunkers" -- he figured out a way to get the car of his dreams with a little five finger discount from the boss.

Too bad there aren't any auto workers left in America, anymore. There would be more than a few "Psychobilly Cadillacs" on the road.



"You might say I went to the factory and picked it up. It's cheaper that way."

I remember seeing the original "One Piece At a Time" car in the House of Cash in Hendersonville, TN when I first moved to Nashville.

Don't Judge the Man Until You've Seen the Horse

"Don't Judge the Man Until You've Seen the Horse" - that is my favorite online comment regarding the story today out of South Carolina about a certain man who is accused of "buggery" with a certain horse. You see, Rodell Vereen really has a thing for this horse . . . this is not his first, or even second time caught having inter-species relations with this comely equine. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/29/rodell-vereen-sc-man-char_n_247245.html

I'm assuming that this horse is a mare, but we have no photo of her, and of course her name is listed as "Sugar" (probably a psuedonym to protect the innocent, as victims of sexual abuse are usually not identified in the press.)

I'll bet she is a real looker though . . . big brown eyes, long lashes, shapely haunches, silky tail . . .

A Hell of a "Push, Pull, or Drag Sale"

Apparently Uncle Sam miscalculated the amount of rednecks with old cars up on blocks in the front yard and ghetto wagons, and has run into a roadblock with the "cash for clunkers" program.

Car dealerships are actually advertising again instead of closing down, and hoopties http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hooptie are a new form of currency.



My favorite part is at the beginning of the video when Sir Mix-Alot says "It feels like the old days, back when people was broke, they had to roll in a hooptie!" Indeed it does. Indeed it does. Sometimes I forget that I am broke once more, and have to remind myself that I can't party like I used to. Then I fondly reminisce about when I actually had money and never worried if my checks would clear. Memories . . . light the corners of my mind, misty water color memories . . .

Tony Romo Kicks Jessica Simpson Outta the Truck in an IHOP Parking Lot

Yeah, I know what you're saying. This would be a much better story if it was a Waffle (Awful) House parking lot -- I thought the same thing myself. But it is a National Inquirer story, and the IHOP was in Texas, so that makes it blogworthy.

http://www.nationalenquirer.com/jessica_simpson_dumped_by_tony_romo_ihop_parking_lot_john_mayer/celebrity/67015

What can I say . . . it is a slow news day.

So, apparently this photo was taken in happier times, maybe when Jess and Tony were sharing a rooty tooty fresh and fruity. The thing is, we all know Jessica had always hoped Tony would be shoving wedding cake in her mouth one day, but I guess this was as close as she got.

I personally believe the "Ken and Barbie" birthday party was the last straw. I mean seriously ladies, you can only push a guy so far.

And you know what they say . . . show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you a man who's tired of doing her.

Dang, and I was really beginning to think I suffered from Eyelash Deficient Syndrome

Just when you thought it was safe to make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your restless leg syndrome (aka Elvisitis), our elected officials decide to take another look at those strangely fascinating prime time commercials that have us wondering why Brooke Shields can't just buy a tube of mascara like the rest of us . . . Oh, because she is a "compensated spokesperson", that is why.

The New York Times reports that lawmakers have just caught on to what the rest of us know - that YAZ commercial is really annoying, and probably misleading!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/27/business/media/27drugads.html?_r=1&hp

This article is pretty informative . . . who knew that ads for pharmaceuticals are banned in pretty much every country but the U.S.? Imagine all the Lithuanians who sleep easy at night not knowing that they suffer from Elvisitis.

Just in case Brooke Shields is pulled from prime time soon, here is the Latisse commercial that promises "longer, fuller, darker lashes" with only a few teensy weensy side effects like "permanent brown iris pigmentation," or something like that, (which wouldn't be so bad if you had brown eyes to begin with, but I'm guessing fair skinned ladies with baby blues probably have lighter colored lashes and would be more prone to buy this product) -- honestly I was too busy wondering how much they had to pay Brooke Shields to peddle this crap.

Dollar Days at the Sahara - $1 Shot and You Keep the Glass!

Every redneck who comes to Las Vegas needs a souvenir shotglass to bring home and add to his or her collection.

I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.

The legendary Sahara Casino and Resort has just made my job a whole lot easier.

During their Dollar Days, not only can you play $1 Blackjack, drink $1 draft beer, and eat a $1 hot dog, you can pound a $1 shot, and you keep the glass!!!

I've seen a lot of Casino promotions in my day, but this one is simply awesome. Oh yeah, while you are at the Sahara you can also visit the Nascar cafe, and ride "Speed" -- I know, I know, it is a redneck dream come true.

So Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas and the Sahara, and you may (as Elvis sang) "wind up broke, but I'll always remember that I had a swingin' time!", BUT, you won't go home empty handed.

http://www.saharavegas.com/casino

The Naked Cowboy Throws His Hat Into the Ring

The Big, BIG News today is that the one and only NAKED COWBOY has thrown his hat into the ring and is running for mayor of New York City! It couldn't be as difficult as playing naked in Times Square during a snow storm, or suing M&M's for ripping off your character, so I wish the Naked Cowboy the best of luck.

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/showbiz/2009-07/23/content_8464767.htm

You know you are big when the China Daily covers your story.

http://www.theage.com.au/news/entertainment/music/articles/2009/07/23/1247941991176.html

This article includes many of his common sense campaign promises, such as:

"being naked is a whole lot more than having no clothes on: It's about transparency in politics, it's about telling the naked truth.", and

"He also wants to build a Times Square chapel, marrying both straight and gay couples there in a "billion-dollar wedding business that will rival Las Vegas."

As for campaign funds, the frugal candidate joked: "I have no expenses. I own 40 pairs of underwear, a car and a suitcase."

Amen, brother.

Of course, I think New York is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there . . . so I really don't have a dog in this fight.

In fact I tend to agree with Buck Owens that "I Wouldn't Live in New York City, If you Gave Me the Whole Damn Town!"

Consult a Realtor BY NOW

Too bad I didn't have my camera with me when I was stuck at a light behind this Las Vegas Vanity plate. Yep, the frame really did say "Consult a Realtor" and the license plate really did read "BY NOW".

Of course in Las Vegas, every day the sun is shining is a good day to buy real estate. And yes, that is every day. To prove it, you can pick up the Las Vegas Review Journal and read yet another article by Hubble Smith proclaiming the market has hit bottom, and yes indeed, it is the time to buy. Here is today's propoganda by Hubble entitled "REAL ESTATE: Analysts see prices at bottom Las Vegas home sales surpass pace of foreclosures."

http://www.lvrj.com/business/51386212.html?numComments=44

Hubble has been writing this same article damn near every day of his whole career. Sure he throws in ominous statistics from time to time, but his overall message is the same as the license plate - by now.

What has changed is that everyone sees through his pep talk, to his underlying stupidity. The comments on the RJ website are numerous and scathing. Here are a few of my favorites.

"my, my" writes - "Idiots! Unemployment rate is past 12% and still climbing, and these so called analysts and uneducated and uninformed realtors are blowing their horns again. Folks, brace yourselves, things are gonna get a whole lot worse."

"jcm" writes - "are these the same analysts that totally MISSED the real estate crash ?why should anyone pay attention to these "experts". give me one who called the crash and i may listen to him. otherwise it is a bunch of hogwash to try and get the gullible public to start buying again."

"grumpy" writes - "Home prices in Las Vegas will fall at least another 50%. This third world balkanized mexican colony offers no quality of life worth paying top dollar for the popsicle stick construction of these little mud huts that sit on 1/9 of an acre."

"Eddie Gin" writes - "Anybody want to buy some Ocean-front property in ARIZONA, I have some real good buys. Unemployment is going to go to 20% in NEVADA. HELLO. OH, I forgot Clark COUNTY voted for chairman Barack O'Promises.“The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.”

"BS" writes - "Quit running these BS stories. NOBODY believes them - not even the idiots."

"Obama Teleprompter" writes - "Just some of the words of wisdom from our Realtors and the LVRJ:" National Association of Realtors report shows market rebounding" Jan. 06, 2008"This is a great time to buy real estate, Greater Las Vegas Association of Realtors inducted Sue Naumann" November, 29, 2008"This shows that buyers are realizing that this is a great time to buy a home," Naumann said.January 09, 2009"Real estate is now a good buy in Las Vegas," Dec. 09, 2008"Las Vegas may be among the first markets to emerge from the housing slump clutching the nation as monthly sales have picked up and prices appear to be reaching the bottom, a local housing analyst said." Nov. 19, 2008"Timing is everything, and this is a great time to buy because the value and choices available right now are amazing. Oct 11,2008 Ernest Belair, president of the Las Vegas Division.January 27 2005:Marta Borsanyi, founder and principal of The Concord Group, Newport Beach, Calif., said “location, location, location” has become “timing, timing, timing” in condominium conversions. “There is never negative growth in housing," she said. "Housing is really a utility. We all need a roof over our head.”"Now really is a great time to buy a new home, and we strongly encourage customers to take advantage of our offerings this weekend," said Jeff Galindo, vice president of sales for Lennar Las Vegas 09/20/2008AND FINALLY A WORD FROM GEOFF SCHUMACHER OF THE OF LVRJ:"And so it's a great time to buy, not only because the houses are affordable but because they're certain to rise in value eventually." Jun 29, 2008"

"Downturn" writes - "Stay tuned next month for a "New" bottom!", and finally my favorite comments name:

"bodyunderthehouse" writes - "With a little help from the media; banks are doing a pretty decent job of manipulating the market here. They have the money to sit on homes now, b.c. of bailouts. Homes here seem to sit nicely with minimal vadalism, unlike Phoenix or Detriot where vacant units get destroyed. Infact the more homes they appear to be stuck with the worse they look and the more bailouts they will get. A bulk of the houses they are releasing are the crappy ones. The better units are just sitting, some of them for over a year now! They have soo many homes and the number continues to grow. With 1 in 13 homes in the valley in some state of foreclosure, 75% of LV mortgages underwater and 12.3+% and rising unemployment, now is the time to buy! At this point Im not so sure we will see the $15-$20k a month depriciation we saw a while back, but there are areas that are still losing value despite the hype. Its obvious that the foreclosures will outlast the stickershock. Just as its obvious that the "experts" calling bottom have a vested interest in Realestate."

Yep, we ain't as stupid as we look, and I reckon ole Hubble and his cronies think we haven't seen through their song and dance BY NOW.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time . . .

So anyways, I gotta go. By now!

The Best Things in Life Are Free

It's trite, but it is true. The monsoon season has officially started in Las Vegas and nature is lighting up the nighttime sky. It is better than fireworks on the 4th of July. I took my beer outside to my balcony and watched in wonder. It really makes you think about the big questions when the cool storm breeze and the electricity fills the air. It is such a wonderful break from 110 degree stagnant weather.

"Above the Clouds" by Paul Weller comes to mind.

The Unique Style of Bob Tarbox

Today I read the San Francisco Chronicle online and was intrigued by this story.
"Another possible Zodiac suspect put forth" http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/07/19/MNGA18D3FV.DTL

Having grown up in the San Francisco completely terrified by the Zodiac, I'm always interested in any new developments to the cold case. But what really caught my eye was this photo of Robert Tarbox. This guy has style.

On closer examination I realized that wall of his house is made of concrete blocks. I've always wondered why more houses weren't made of concrete blocks. They are inexpensive, easy to work with, weather resitant, and commonly used for commercial spaces . . . so why are they rarely used for residential construction?

Mr. Tarbox is claiming in this article to have met the real Zodiac killer. One day, while closing up his lawfirm in downtown San Francisco, a merchant seaman entered and asked for legal advice. This man revealed to Tarbox that he was the Zodiac killer, and he wondered what might happen if he turned himself in. Tarbox, the lawyer, told him that personally it would have devastating circumstances. Tarbox, the man, was terrified of becoming the Zodiac's next victim.

Bob Tarbox now lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. If I were to interview him, I would most likely be more interested in his house, than his Zodiac story. An internet search reveals that Tarbox has expressed his opinion on high profile San Francisco murders before - ten years ago Bob wrote the editor of the Las Vegas Review Journal with his insight that greed killed Mayor Moscone and Harvey Milk.

Sunday, December 27, 1998

"The real story
More to the San Francisco shooting than columnist implied

To the editor:
In response to Christopher Matthews' Dec. 3 commentary "Twenty years since murders at city hall," on the shooting of Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk by then-Supervisor Dan White in San Francisco:
For 19 years I went through the same basement entrance to San Francisco City Hall that White used that day -- not because of some sinister reason, but because it was the most convenient entrance to the facility.
I first became aware of Mr. Moscone when he and current Mayor Willie Brown, who at that time were student janitors at Hastings College of the Law, violated a rule of the college and were up for sanctions. Both gentlemen went on to considerable public service. Both gentlemen were consummate political animals.
The following facts are necessary to show how the tragedy played out:
Dan White was a police officer turned politician who believed his burgeoning business success was based on his business acumen rather than his seat as supervisor. Based upon bad reasoning, White submitted his resignation from the board to Mayor Moscone. As a San Francisco police officer, White was required to have his gun with him.
George Moscone was a consummate politician with the board seat completely under his control after White's resignation. Mr. Moscone publicly withheld comment on whether he would allow White's resignation to be withdrawn for pure political reasoning, but he informed the board privately that the resignation would stick.
Harvey Milk was a member of the Board of Supervisors, but junior to Dan White in seniority.
The dance commences:
White is going to city hall to find out his fate with regard to his ill-advised resignation and enters through the side entrance of the building -- the same one I used for 19 years. White has a gun with him, as required. White and Mayor Moscone meet. White is told that his resignation is final. Mayor Moscone has screwed White. Mayor Moscone then asks White about the health and well being of his family. White shoots Mayor Moscone and the "twinkie defense" is born.
White proceeds to his office and finds Harvey Milk there. Mr. Milk would succeed to White's bigger office if the resignation of White stands. White realizes that Mayor Moscone had informed the other supervisors of his decision prior to telling him, and he shoots Harvey Milk as a continuation of the confrontation with Mayor Moscone.
It is my belief that Mayor Moscone tried to get political capital out of the resignation of White. If he had just publicly stated that the resignation would stand on the day that he made his decision, George Moscone would not have died. If Harvey Milk had not been so eager to get the bigger office, he, too, would not have died on that tragic day.
ROBERT E. TARBOX
Las Vegas

The writer is a retired attorney who formerly resided in San Francisco."

For all his experience, and opinions, for me Bob Tarbox is less an old coot looking for a little media attention, and more a cool looking old guy with a stylish pad.

Another Episode of Who Wants to Be a Slumlord Millionaire?

This fantastic piece of real estate can be yours for the low, low price of $10,000.

The latest in Review Journal's coverage of the foreclosure crisis is entitled
"Bottom-scraping prices for foreclosed-upon and bank-owned homes mean bargains for savvy buyers" with the optimistic subtitle "Investors snap up homes, looking to beat possible price turnaround"

http://www.lvrj.com/business/51132887.html

These articles by Hubble Smith always look for the silver lining, and continually try to put a positive spin on Vegas' demise by encouraging fence sitters to buy now. Mr. Smith has been urging people to buy damn near every day for years. In Hubble's alternate universe opportunities are a constant whether the market is peaking or scraping bottom. Lets just say this guy never lets the truth get in the way of a good pep talk. But lately, disturbing statistics have crept into Hubble's pieces. Take for instance this ominous statement "Home Builders Research President Dennis Smith said he's hearing from Realtors that real estate-owned assignments from the banks are increasing dramatically. Some of those are tentatively going to be listed at $40,000 to $50,000, he said."

REOs are increasing DRAMATICALLY. I guess the flood of phantom foreclosures the banks have been hiding are starting to hit the market . . . not to mention all the new foreclosures that are being processed.

Someone seems to have their finger in the dam.

So, will Las Vegas be the new Detroit? Well, I will say this. Las Vegas is a hell of lot more fun than Detroit, and if you can stand a couple of months of 110 degree heat, than pack your carpetbags for Sin City. And if an 1,160-square-foot, single-story home with three bedrooms and a bath, built in 1957, at 1389 Lawry Ave., near Martin Luther King and Lake Mead boulevards is your cup of tea, brother have I got a bargain for you!

13 Percent Unemployment Equals 1 in 13 Foreclosures

Vegas is a numbers town, and lately are numbers have been exceedingly unlucky.

As this article from the Review Journal attests Nevada now has a 12.3 percent unemployment rate. http://www.lvrj.com/news/51091377.html

Las Vegas also boasts the highest foreclosure rate in the nation. One in thirteen Valley homes have received foreclosure notices in the last six months.
http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2009/jul/16/nevada-foreclosures-increase-june/

Are numbers at McCarran International Airport aren't looking so good either.
http://www.lvrj.com/business/51091297.html Our year to year traffic count has fallen 11.4%

There are still those in Vegas who say we've weathered these storms before, and we'll come out on top again. I suggest those optimists bet 13 at the Roulette wheel.

As monsoon season approaches and a gullywasher threatens -- hanging low and dark; I have one thing to say - "The sky is falling!"

The King of Pop vs. the King of Rock 'n Roll

The king is dead, long live the king . . . the death of Michael Jackson was shocking and the aftermath becomes more and more salacious by the day. It seems Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley had more in common than pitch black hair, a penchant for cool shades and stylish threads, musical talent, enormous fame, and killer dance moves.

The Gloved One happened to pass the very day before a smattering of his memorabilia was offered for sale. As my earlier post attests I had planned to attend and perhaps even bid on a lot of MJ or two.
The tragic event of Thursday, suddenly made Michael's stuff the focus of an auction that featured the pill bottles of another high profile celebrity who died of too much of the prescribed stuff -- none other than Elvis Presley. It was ironic -- Lisa Marie has said that Michael confessed to her (remember, they were once married) he thought he would go out like Elvis.

Marilyn Monroe who also succomb to an overdose, was featured the following day with items such as the last article of clothing she ever wore (she was found in the nude, in bed) offered to the highest bidder.

Here is a link to my interview given the day of the auction to Channel 8 here in Las Vegas.
http://www.lasvegasnow.com/global/story.asp?s=10602188

So when the King of Pop and the King of Rock 'n Roll went head to head in a dead celebrities' stuff showdown, who came out on top? Drumroll please . . . . . . . . "I'm caught in a trap, I can't walk out, because I love you too much, baby!" Yep, an Elvis gifted diamond encrusted TCB logo necklace went for around $100,000. and the most Michael could muster was around $45,000 for a concert worn bedazzled shirt.

Marilyn also made a good showing with her fox stole, and before mentioned bathrobe topping Michael's ephemera garnering between $50 and $100 thousand clams.

You may be the new kid on the block (the block being the afterlife) Michael, but you'll have to hang around awhile and do your time before taking on Elvis and the Divine Miss MM.

Elvis Has Left the Building

Today I am going to look over all the stuff being offered at the Julien Entertainment Memorabilia auction at Planet Hollywood next weekend.

Last year I ended up sitting next to Larry Birkhead (Anna Nicole Smith's baby daddy) who purchased Anna corsets and other unmentionables for their little princess. Kinda creepy, some might think, but I loved Anna, and Larry genuinely seemed like a nice guy. I'll devote a post to Anna later on . . . I was also sitting behind none other than James Caan! More about that later (the Jewish Cowboy deserves a post of his own too.) Oh, and Baywatch Babe Pamela Anderson was there to titillate and auction off her sports car for charity.

This year the auction includes lot of lots from Doctor Nick, Elvis' personal physician who kept him supplied with all the pharmaceuticals the King of Rock 'n Roll might need, and many he really didn't, but who says no to the King.

You can bid on empty pill bottles (some filled the day before Elvis died,) and even Dr. Feelgood's black doctor bag that accompanied him on many trips to Graceland, and even the Lisa Marie (a photo shows Dr. Nick boarding the plane, bag in hand.) You can view a youtube video of Dr. Nick talking about this stuff here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4AdiDCyXW0

It is fitting that the auction is held at Planet Hollywood, as PH used to be the Aladdin, and as every self-respecting redneck knows, Elvis finally married his child-bride Priscilla at the original Aladdin Hotel/Casino. On my first visit to Las Vegas I visited the Aladdin, it had changed since Elvis married there in 1967, a 19 story tower had been built -- I really liked the place, and never understood why it was imploded in 1998 to make way for the new Aladdin, which basically looked the same, albeit bigger. They easily could have left the original tower and added on. The new Aladdin went through a couple of bankruptcies, before being bought and transformed into Planet Hollywood (which had a few high profile bankruptcies itself.)

At any rate, the specter of Elvis returns to the location in the form of his possessions to be sold to the highest bidder. If you always wanted the contraption used to irrigate Elvis' nostrils or the gizmo stuck down his throat to check out his vocal chords, you'll have your chance next weekend. There is also Elvis jewelry, a couple of items of clothing, hand written notes, and other odds and ends. All the Kings things (well, some of them anyways) are on display.

Free Rooms at Buffalo Bill's!!!

I'm lovin' this recession more and more every day. Buffalo Bill's in Primm (stateline Nevada) is offering two free nights to Nevada residents as well as a slew of other freebies, like drinks, $50 free play, ride passes, and 2 for 1 buffets.

I snagged the local package for myself and tipped off a co-worker who has two kids aged 10 and 11, a toddler and a newborn. He got a room, and when he tried to get another under his wife's name a couple of hours later they were all sold out.

His kids were so excited to learn they were going to Buffalo Bill's they were jumping up and down. I don't blame 'em. Buffalo Bill's is a wonderful throwback to kid friendly Vegas -- they have a first class roller coaster, a water ride, a drop ride, high tech virtual rides, a kitschy Western Theme and a swimming pool shaped like (what else?) a Buffalo!!! Oh, and they have a casino, restaurants, buffet, food court, and movie theaters.

I'm pretty darned excited myself. I haven't ridden a roller coaster in many, many moons.

So come Fourth of July weekend, the locals will be partying at Buffalo Bill's in Primm. Did I mention the monorail, and the outlet shopping? Yep, you can take a monorail to the other Primm resorts -- Primm Valley has a display of Bonnie & Clyde memorabilia including their bullet ridden death car and Clyde's bloody shirt -- but wait, there's more . . . you can go to Whiskey Pete's !

Whiskey Pete's is another western themed casino that actually looks like a castle. It makes no sense at all. Medieval fortress on the outside, honky tonk on the inside, complete with the worst buffet in Southern Nevada, appropriately named the Wagon Wheel. Strap on the feedback and pass the Tums, this is straight out of Vegas Vacation (those great scenes of Chevy Chase playing casino games "War," "Rock, Paper, Scissors," and "Pick a Number" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbu0PVOUT3o were actually shot at the now defuct "Klondike" but Whiskey Pete's could totally double for it).

I feel like a kid again, when my folks used to drive over the pass from our Sierra cabin to Reno, Tahoe, Carson City, and Virginia City . . . I'm so looking forward to my Buffalo Bill's "Freecation."

I hope this really boosts the bottom line for Terrible's Casinos who bought the Primm Resorts from MGM/Grand a few years ago. They are really hurting right now, but awesome promotions like this should help.

Fish Stories

Normally, I wouldn't recommend gambling as a cost conscious way to spend the day . . . but my response to "Problem Gambling" has always been "it is only a problem when I am losing" . . . and last night I had a blast winning and playing "the fishing game."

Officially, this penny slot is called "Reel 'Em In! Compete to Win!" and it is made by WMS (a.k.a. Williams by casino floor folk) my favorite slot manufacturer.

It's Community Style Gaming bonus round (when it randomly hits everyone playing the extra amount for inclusion participates together) is based on a tried and true WMS slot "Reel 'Em In!" A group of fishermen (and one lady in a hot pink bassboat) compete in fishing contests and boat races. You can choose your character, and switch your character whenever you like -- if your character wins then you get more money and braggin' rights.

The base slot game is either "Hog Wild" or "Pegasus II" and I like the Pegasus game better (it has a bonus round, and a good 5 line pay that can multiply), but the real fun begins when the fishing bonus kicks in.

Last night I was playing for a bit and doing alright, when a young man in a wife beater sat down next to me. The wife beater alone gave this guy a certain air, he looked like he had a pretty good sense of humor and would be alright to play with.

He had never played this new game before, but certainly seemed to know his way around a slot machine. I mentioned he could change his character, and he chose the thin, African American fisherman, naming him "Willis." That really cracked me up, and for the rest of the session "Willis" it was.

I was partial to the big, beer belly redneck (of course) who I called "Bubba." I was partial, but I wasn't loyal, I also tried the skinny white guy with the Minnesota accent (someone from the land of a thousand lakes must be a pretty good fisherman), but I never came up with a name for him. I also picked the cute Southern Belle with the pony tail and pink boat, dubbing her "Deb" after my friend in Nashville, TN who always dated guys with fancy Bass Boats.

I won a couple, and even received a congratulatory sock in the arm from my buddy after my best fish took first prize and I landed on the leader board.

We decided that Willis hadn't won for a while and we both went back to him as our angler. A bonus round soon hit and we were off to the boat races. In this game the characters snag a fish off screen and instead of reeling them in, sort of the opposite occurs as the fish pulls them to the finish line. Willis started out alright, but then started moving backward until he was almost at the starting line when Minnesota guy, Bubba, and Deb were barrelling toward the finish. All of a sudden Willis zoomed all the way across the screen to win the race!!! Me, my buddy, and the woman down the way who had stayed with Willis the whole time were cheering wildly. It happened so fast, we didn't exactly know what had happened but I won $80, my buddy won $160, and the woman won a whopping $600 !! My multiply was 1x on a 40 cent bet, wife beater's was a 2x and the other Willis fan was betting the max ($4.00 or 10x) or close to it.

It was whoopin' and hollerin' and high fives all around.

I played a while longer and decided to leave ahead for a change. As I was getting up, a guy sat down next to us and said "So, you been fishin'?" My buddy said "Oh yeah, we got fish stories!"

Fish stories, indeed.

Who Wants to Be a Slumlord Millionaire?

So Las Vegas is ground zero for the foreclosure crisis. No one booms or busts like Sin City. It makes sense though -- this town exists for the sole purpose of taking people's money, and that risk taking mentality has even affected the house.

Huge construction projects like the Fountainebleau are bankrupt, Huge corporations like MGM/Mirage, Harrah's, and Station Casinos have leveraged themselves into precarious positions.

If you're a redneck like me, you might bury your money around the trailer in tobacco tins like Randy Quaid in "Vegas Vacation" and walk into the casino with tall boys dangling from your belt loop, but sooner or later it is gonna occur to you that there may be money to be made in this downturn.

My economic prowess consists of "buy low, sell high" and real estate is dirt cheap right now.

Today I got this listing in my inbox entitled "Shenandoah" -- I immediately thought (just like Cousin Eddie) I could be living with Mr. Las Vegas himself, Wayne Newton!!!

The Waynester named his spread "Casa De Shenandoah" and if you are driving down Sunset which runs parallel to the main runway at McCarren airport you can't miss it. If you are flying Southwest Airlines and are arriving from the East, sitting on the left side of the plane look down when you are fixin' to land and you will have a great view of the grounds of Wayne's digs.

The "Shenandoah" pictured above is a four-plex repo built in 1963 in one of Las Vegas' seedier neighborhoods. Not exactly glamorous, but in can be had for $79,000 (which is probably what one of Wayne's gates cost) and affords you the opportunity to perhaps one day be a Slumlord Millionaire! Yep, you could build a empire of very low, low rent flophouses, and spend your days evicting crack whores, and fixing bad plumbing.

I realize it may not exactly be in your redneck nature to bully society's downtrodden into paying their rent, but heck, we can't let the towelheads have all the fun! We need to take back this country from enterprising immigrants, and do what Americans do best -- exploit each other! The massive, new, gleaming City Center on the strip may be owned by Dubai world but out in the real world near Fremont and 26th Ave. this little gem is waiting just for you. Any takers?

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam . . .

Now that we've established that PBR rules, we might want to eat a little something with our beer.

May I suggest Spam Pate . . . a.k.a "Poor Man's Pate"? All you need is a can of Spam, some cream cheese (or perhaps Cheez Whiz is more to your liking), seasoning of your choice -- could be Cool Whip, umm I mean MIRACLE Whip (but Cool Whip might work as well), or mustard, or Tabasco -- whatever you like, and for the finishing touch some olives. Mash it and smash it all together, and Voila! a pate to rival the finest (liver of a goose forcibly fed with a tube down it's throat) of France.

Grab you some crackers, and the aforementioned Pabst Blue Ribbon, and lunch or dinner is served!

Red Necks, White Socks, & Blue Ribbon Beer

You know it, you love it, and in these financially trying times the beer of choice of any self-respecting Redneck is of course PBR! Heck, Pabst Blue Ribbon is the choice even in the best of times!

Oh, I know there may be those out there who may be partial to Old Milwaukee, or Keystone, or Black Label, or even Miller High Life if you are feeling particularly flush,
but there is nothing as goldang All American as good ole PBR.

Some of you Old-Timers like myself might fondly remember Schlitz, or Olympia, or Blatz, or Burgie, or Schmidt (nothing cooler than the Sport Pack), or even Generic Beer in the 1980's -- and even though they all had their particular charms -- only one found it's way into the Redneck National Anthem. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3iVHxP8FQ&feature=related

Thank you Johnny Russell, I will hoist one for you tonight!

John Deere Barrel Racing or what to do fer free this weekend

Well, it ain't the Gun Show, or a Demolition Derby, or a Monster Truck Rally . . . but it does have John Deere in it's name. Now, I won't get your hopes up, it is NOT a Tractor pull, or even a MULE pull, but you're getting warm my friend.

The John Deere Barrel Racing is like the Redneck Cowgirl Olympics. This is not a Rodeo, oh no, there is only ONE event, and it is Barrel Racing. Sorry, no Pole Bending, no Calf Roping, no Goat Tying . . . I hope you like trampy chicks on badass freaked out horses running cloverleaf patterns around three barrels trying to finish clean and finish fast . . . because you will see a LOT of them, over and over and over again. But that is not to say you will be bored, because even though these girls can practice this particular pattern day in and day out with their horses until you would think they could run it in their sleep backwards, you will be amazed by the amount and variety of fuck ups.

You see Redneck Cowgirls that they are . . . they seemed to prefer speed over precision, and accidents do happen. YouTube is full of them http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y32JIDeYvbg

How's that fer a link? Someday I'll learn to edit Html . . . Anyway this weekend the John Deere big ole Redneck Cowgirl Barrel Racing Extravaganza is being held at the South Point Equestrian and Event Center. http://www.southpointeventscenter.com/

So if you are in Vegas head on down this weekend to see the Equine version of drag racing. It's free, and even though no one wants to see someone hurt in a big ole nasty wreck, they sure as heck don't want to miss it if it happens!