And in the Tasteless and Ironic News Section . . .

Man who stole Virgin Mary painting for abortion convicted of rape, theft -- yep, you read that headline correctly.

OMAHA, Neb. » A Nebraska man who stole a painting of the Virgin Mary to finance an abortion for a teen he raped has been convicted of first-degree sexual assault and felony theft.
Aurelio Vallerillo-Sanchez, 39, of Omaha pleaded no contest to the charges Friday and faces up to 70 years in prison when sentenced in October, Douglas County prosecutor Brenda Beadle said Saturday.
A call to the county public defender representing Vallerillo-Sanchez wasn't answered Saturday.
Beadle said Vallerillo-Sanchez fled to Mexico with the 300-year-old painting worth $100,000 and the pregnant teen in March 2007.
"The plan was that when they got to Mexico, she was to undergo an abortion," she said.
When an abortion wasn't possible, Vallerillo-Sanchez pushed to have the baby given up for adoption, Beadle said: "He wanted to do everything he could to get rid of this baby 'cause it was evidence against him."
The teen returned to Nebraska and later gave birth, the prosecutor said.
Vallerillo-Sanchez was arrested in February after DNA linked him to the September 2006 assault of the then-14-year-old girl.
His children gave police information about the theft during the investigation into the sexual assault. His son told police he served as a lookout as his father stole the painting from St. Cecilia Cathedral in Omaha. Vallerillo-Sanchez sold the painting for $3,000 in Mexico, his daughter told police.
Vallerillo-Sanchez has been linked to at least four other thefts in the Omaha area, but charges were not filed as part of a plea deal, Beadle said.

The Most Tasteless News Story of the Week . . .

We offer the story of Jasmine Fiore, the model whose lifeless body was so mutilated, they had to ID her by the serial number of breast implants.

They could have saved a lot of trouble and ID'ed her by her eyebrows.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_REALITY_CONTESTANT_SLAYING?SITE=NVLAS&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Velvet Elvis

Yup, Elvis died for our sins 32 years ago today. So, in keeping with the Elvis theme I offer up this joke for cheap laughs -

The Redneck Booty Call - "Can I come over and see your Velvet Elvis?"

And for a little more redneck entertainment (in case the bug zapper is starting to bore you) I present Larry the Cable Guy on food.

Jokes.com
Larry The Cable Guy - Waffle House
comedians.comedycentral.com
Roast of Larry the Cable Guy Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy

Miley Cyrus Pole Gate 2009

Miley comes by her trashy dance moves honestly, Okay! Can we move on now?



The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. BTW - the best part of Miley's performance is the head spinning male background dancers. Also props to the stylist who supplied the Daisy Dukes.

It didn't work for George Jones, but . . .

Man on Lawnmower During Beer Run Charged with DUI

BELLEVILLE, Ill. (AP) -- With a revoked license because of a previous drunken-driving conviction, Dennis Cretton shouldn't drive. But authorities said that didn't stop the 49-year-old man from drunkenly driving up to a gas station for more beer - on his yellow riding lawnmower.
Cretton was charged with felony aggravated driving under the influence after neighbors reported he was weaving in and out of traffic on his lawnmower Friday night.
When deputies tried to stop him, authorities said Bretton drove the mower into his home's front yard, his 12-pack of Milwaukee's Best spilling onto the ground along the way.
Cretton was free on $10,000 bond. Calls to his home went unanswered Tuesday.

Great Minds Think Alike

I discovered a great blog just now http://redneckmother.blogspot.com/

I highly recommend checking it out. While I can't personally relate to family life, raising kids and the like (I'm more like that weird creepy middle aged dude who hangs out at the complex pool all day smoking cigarettes and drinking cheap beer from his plastic cooler, obviously unemployed -- the guy you keep your kids away from), I can appreciate someone who can do it with such aplomb.

I salute you Redneck Mother!

K-Fed Stiffs Wait Staff at Wasted Space

Las Vegas runs on tokes (tips). So when a celebrity (even a Double D-list one like Britney Spears' ex) stiffs the wait staff, it is big news in Sin City.

This article in the Las Vegas Sun is the most read http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2009/jul/31/hard-rock-calls-out-k-fed-stiffing-servers/

The Hard Rock perpetuated this story through their social networking sites, and apparently thinks there is no such thing as bad press.

K-OverFed was in their resort to film a reality show (presumeably about his weight gain) and Wasted Space comped his party a couple of bottles of Grey Goose and some Red Bull.

He left without leaving a tip.

I question why he was comped in the first place, but a reality show can bring a lot of publicity to a Casino/Resort (look what the Real World did for the Palms), so I guess it isn't too unusual.

That assumption leads to another assumption that K-Fed probably expected a producer (these reality shows have hundreds of "producers" -- basically just annoying young kids (probably interns) running around acting as go-fers and such)to take care of a tedious task such as tipping.

That, or K-Fed is just a giant douchebag.

Hey, Even shlumpy baby daddies are feeling the pinch.