The King of Pop vs. the King of Rock 'n Roll

The king is dead, long live the king . . . the death of Michael Jackson was shocking and the aftermath becomes more and more salacious by the day. It seems Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley had more in common than pitch black hair, a penchant for cool shades and stylish threads, musical talent, enormous fame, and killer dance moves.

The Gloved One happened to pass the very day before a smattering of his memorabilia was offered for sale. As my earlier post attests I had planned to attend and perhaps even bid on a lot of MJ or two.
The tragic event of Thursday, suddenly made Michael's stuff the focus of an auction that featured the pill bottles of another high profile celebrity who died of too much of the prescribed stuff -- none other than Elvis Presley. It was ironic -- Lisa Marie has said that Michael confessed to her (remember, they were once married) he thought he would go out like Elvis.

Marilyn Monroe who also succomb to an overdose, was featured the following day with items such as the last article of clothing she ever wore (she was found in the nude, in bed) offered to the highest bidder.

Here is a link to my interview given the day of the auction to Channel 8 here in Las Vegas.
http://www.lasvegasnow.com/global/story.asp?s=10602188

So when the King of Pop and the King of Rock 'n Roll went head to head in a dead celebrities' stuff showdown, who came out on top? Drumroll please . . . . . . . . "I'm caught in a trap, I can't walk out, because I love you too much, baby!" Yep, an Elvis gifted diamond encrusted TCB logo necklace went for around $100,000. and the most Michael could muster was around $45,000 for a concert worn bedazzled shirt.

Marilyn also made a good showing with her fox stole, and before mentioned bathrobe topping Michael's ephemera garnering between $50 and $100 thousand clams.

You may be the new kid on the block (the block being the afterlife) Michael, but you'll have to hang around awhile and do your time before taking on Elvis and the Divine Miss MM.

Elvis Has Left the Building

Today I am going to look over all the stuff being offered at the Julien Entertainment Memorabilia auction at Planet Hollywood next weekend.

Last year I ended up sitting next to Larry Birkhead (Anna Nicole Smith's baby daddy) who purchased Anna corsets and other unmentionables for their little princess. Kinda creepy, some might think, but I loved Anna, and Larry genuinely seemed like a nice guy. I'll devote a post to Anna later on . . . I was also sitting behind none other than James Caan! More about that later (the Jewish Cowboy deserves a post of his own too.) Oh, and Baywatch Babe Pamela Anderson was there to titillate and auction off her sports car for charity.

This year the auction includes lot of lots from Doctor Nick, Elvis' personal physician who kept him supplied with all the pharmaceuticals the King of Rock 'n Roll might need, and many he really didn't, but who says no to the King.

You can bid on empty pill bottles (some filled the day before Elvis died,) and even Dr. Feelgood's black doctor bag that accompanied him on many trips to Graceland, and even the Lisa Marie (a photo shows Dr. Nick boarding the plane, bag in hand.) You can view a youtube video of Dr. Nick talking about this stuff here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4AdiDCyXW0

It is fitting that the auction is held at Planet Hollywood, as PH used to be the Aladdin, and as every self-respecting redneck knows, Elvis finally married his child-bride Priscilla at the original Aladdin Hotel/Casino. On my first visit to Las Vegas I visited the Aladdin, it had changed since Elvis married there in 1967, a 19 story tower had been built -- I really liked the place, and never understood why it was imploded in 1998 to make way for the new Aladdin, which basically looked the same, albeit bigger. They easily could have left the original tower and added on. The new Aladdin went through a couple of bankruptcies, before being bought and transformed into Planet Hollywood (which had a few high profile bankruptcies itself.)

At any rate, the specter of Elvis returns to the location in the form of his possessions to be sold to the highest bidder. If you always wanted the contraption used to irrigate Elvis' nostrils or the gizmo stuck down his throat to check out his vocal chords, you'll have your chance next weekend. There is also Elvis jewelry, a couple of items of clothing, hand written notes, and other odds and ends. All the Kings things (well, some of them anyways) are on display.

Free Rooms at Buffalo Bill's!!!

I'm lovin' this recession more and more every day. Buffalo Bill's in Primm (stateline Nevada) is offering two free nights to Nevada residents as well as a slew of other freebies, like drinks, $50 free play, ride passes, and 2 for 1 buffets.

I snagged the local package for myself and tipped off a co-worker who has two kids aged 10 and 11, a toddler and a newborn. He got a room, and when he tried to get another under his wife's name a couple of hours later they were all sold out.

His kids were so excited to learn they were going to Buffalo Bill's they were jumping up and down. I don't blame 'em. Buffalo Bill's is a wonderful throwback to kid friendly Vegas -- they have a first class roller coaster, a water ride, a drop ride, high tech virtual rides, a kitschy Western Theme and a swimming pool shaped like (what else?) a Buffalo!!! Oh, and they have a casino, restaurants, buffet, food court, and movie theaters.

I'm pretty darned excited myself. I haven't ridden a roller coaster in many, many moons.

So come Fourth of July weekend, the locals will be partying at Buffalo Bill's in Primm. Did I mention the monorail, and the outlet shopping? Yep, you can take a monorail to the other Primm resorts -- Primm Valley has a display of Bonnie & Clyde memorabilia including their bullet ridden death car and Clyde's bloody shirt -- but wait, there's more . . . you can go to Whiskey Pete's !

Whiskey Pete's is another western themed casino that actually looks like a castle. It makes no sense at all. Medieval fortress on the outside, honky tonk on the inside, complete with the worst buffet in Southern Nevada, appropriately named the Wagon Wheel. Strap on the feedback and pass the Tums, this is straight out of Vegas Vacation (those great scenes of Chevy Chase playing casino games "War," "Rock, Paper, Scissors," and "Pick a Number" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbu0PVOUT3o were actually shot at the now defuct "Klondike" but Whiskey Pete's could totally double for it).

I feel like a kid again, when my folks used to drive over the pass from our Sierra cabin to Reno, Tahoe, Carson City, and Virginia City . . . I'm so looking forward to my Buffalo Bill's "Freecation."

I hope this really boosts the bottom line for Terrible's Casinos who bought the Primm Resorts from MGM/Grand a few years ago. They are really hurting right now, but awesome promotions like this should help.

Fish Stories

Normally, I wouldn't recommend gambling as a cost conscious way to spend the day . . . but my response to "Problem Gambling" has always been "it is only a problem when I am losing" . . . and last night I had a blast winning and playing "the fishing game."

Officially, this penny slot is called "Reel 'Em In! Compete to Win!" and it is made by WMS (a.k.a. Williams by casino floor folk) my favorite slot manufacturer.

It's Community Style Gaming bonus round (when it randomly hits everyone playing the extra amount for inclusion participates together) is based on a tried and true WMS slot "Reel 'Em In!" A group of fishermen (and one lady in a hot pink bassboat) compete in fishing contests and boat races. You can choose your character, and switch your character whenever you like -- if your character wins then you get more money and braggin' rights.

The base slot game is either "Hog Wild" or "Pegasus II" and I like the Pegasus game better (it has a bonus round, and a good 5 line pay that can multiply), but the real fun begins when the fishing bonus kicks in.

Last night I was playing for a bit and doing alright, when a young man in a wife beater sat down next to me. The wife beater alone gave this guy a certain air, he looked like he had a pretty good sense of humor and would be alright to play with.

He had never played this new game before, but certainly seemed to know his way around a slot machine. I mentioned he could change his character, and he chose the thin, African American fisherman, naming him "Willis." That really cracked me up, and for the rest of the session "Willis" it was.

I was partial to the big, beer belly redneck (of course) who I called "Bubba." I was partial, but I wasn't loyal, I also tried the skinny white guy with the Minnesota accent (someone from the land of a thousand lakes must be a pretty good fisherman), but I never came up with a name for him. I also picked the cute Southern Belle with the pony tail and pink boat, dubbing her "Deb" after my friend in Nashville, TN who always dated guys with fancy Bass Boats.

I won a couple, and even received a congratulatory sock in the arm from my buddy after my best fish took first prize and I landed on the leader board.

We decided that Willis hadn't won for a while and we both went back to him as our angler. A bonus round soon hit and we were off to the boat races. In this game the characters snag a fish off screen and instead of reeling them in, sort of the opposite occurs as the fish pulls them to the finish line. Willis started out alright, but then started moving backward until he was almost at the starting line when Minnesota guy, Bubba, and Deb were barrelling toward the finish. All of a sudden Willis zoomed all the way across the screen to win the race!!! Me, my buddy, and the woman down the way who had stayed with Willis the whole time were cheering wildly. It happened so fast, we didn't exactly know what had happened but I won $80, my buddy won $160, and the woman won a whopping $600 !! My multiply was 1x on a 40 cent bet, wife beater's was a 2x and the other Willis fan was betting the max ($4.00 or 10x) or close to it.

It was whoopin' and hollerin' and high fives all around.

I played a while longer and decided to leave ahead for a change. As I was getting up, a guy sat down next to us and said "So, you been fishin'?" My buddy said "Oh yeah, we got fish stories!"

Fish stories, indeed.

Who Wants to Be a Slumlord Millionaire?

So Las Vegas is ground zero for the foreclosure crisis. No one booms or busts like Sin City. It makes sense though -- this town exists for the sole purpose of taking people's money, and that risk taking mentality has even affected the house.

Huge construction projects like the Fountainebleau are bankrupt, Huge corporations like MGM/Mirage, Harrah's, and Station Casinos have leveraged themselves into precarious positions.

If you're a redneck like me, you might bury your money around the trailer in tobacco tins like Randy Quaid in "Vegas Vacation" and walk into the casino with tall boys dangling from your belt loop, but sooner or later it is gonna occur to you that there may be money to be made in this downturn.

My economic prowess consists of "buy low, sell high" and real estate is dirt cheap right now.

Today I got this listing in my inbox entitled "Shenandoah" -- I immediately thought (just like Cousin Eddie) I could be living with Mr. Las Vegas himself, Wayne Newton!!!

The Waynester named his spread "Casa De Shenandoah" and if you are driving down Sunset which runs parallel to the main runway at McCarren airport you can't miss it. If you are flying Southwest Airlines and are arriving from the East, sitting on the left side of the plane look down when you are fixin' to land and you will have a great view of the grounds of Wayne's digs.

The "Shenandoah" pictured above is a four-plex repo built in 1963 in one of Las Vegas' seedier neighborhoods. Not exactly glamorous, but in can be had for $79,000 (which is probably what one of Wayne's gates cost) and affords you the opportunity to perhaps one day be a Slumlord Millionaire! Yep, you could build a empire of very low, low rent flophouses, and spend your days evicting crack whores, and fixing bad plumbing.

I realize it may not exactly be in your redneck nature to bully society's downtrodden into paying their rent, but heck, we can't let the towelheads have all the fun! We need to take back this country from enterprising immigrants, and do what Americans do best -- exploit each other! The massive, new, gleaming City Center on the strip may be owned by Dubai world but out in the real world near Fremont and 26th Ave. this little gem is waiting just for you. Any takers?

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam . . .

Now that we've established that PBR rules, we might want to eat a little something with our beer.

May I suggest Spam Pate . . . a.k.a "Poor Man's Pate"? All you need is a can of Spam, some cream cheese (or perhaps Cheez Whiz is more to your liking), seasoning of your choice -- could be Cool Whip, umm I mean MIRACLE Whip (but Cool Whip might work as well), or mustard, or Tabasco -- whatever you like, and for the finishing touch some olives. Mash it and smash it all together, and Voila! a pate to rival the finest (liver of a goose forcibly fed with a tube down it's throat) of France.

Grab you some crackers, and the aforementioned Pabst Blue Ribbon, and lunch or dinner is served!

Red Necks, White Socks, & Blue Ribbon Beer

You know it, you love it, and in these financially trying times the beer of choice of any self-respecting Redneck is of course PBR! Heck, Pabst Blue Ribbon is the choice even in the best of times!

Oh, I know there may be those out there who may be partial to Old Milwaukee, or Keystone, or Black Label, or even Miller High Life if you are feeling particularly flush,
but there is nothing as goldang All American as good ole PBR.

Some of you Old-Timers like myself might fondly remember Schlitz, or Olympia, or Blatz, or Burgie, or Schmidt (nothing cooler than the Sport Pack), or even Generic Beer in the 1980's -- and even though they all had their particular charms -- only one found it's way into the Redneck National Anthem. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3iVHxP8FQ&feature=related

Thank you Johnny Russell, I will hoist one for you tonight!

John Deere Barrel Racing or what to do fer free this weekend

Well, it ain't the Gun Show, or a Demolition Derby, or a Monster Truck Rally . . . but it does have John Deere in it's name. Now, I won't get your hopes up, it is NOT a Tractor pull, or even a MULE pull, but you're getting warm my friend.

The John Deere Barrel Racing is like the Redneck Cowgirl Olympics. This is not a Rodeo, oh no, there is only ONE event, and it is Barrel Racing. Sorry, no Pole Bending, no Calf Roping, no Goat Tying . . . I hope you like trampy chicks on badass freaked out horses running cloverleaf patterns around three barrels trying to finish clean and finish fast . . . because you will see a LOT of them, over and over and over again. But that is not to say you will be bored, because even though these girls can practice this particular pattern day in and day out with their horses until you would think they could run it in their sleep backwards, you will be amazed by the amount and variety of fuck ups.

You see Redneck Cowgirls that they are . . . they seemed to prefer speed over precision, and accidents do happen. YouTube is full of them http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y32JIDeYvbg

How's that fer a link? Someday I'll learn to edit Html . . . Anyway this weekend the John Deere big ole Redneck Cowgirl Barrel Racing Extravaganza is being held at the South Point Equestrian and Event Center. http://www.southpointeventscenter.com/

So if you are in Vegas head on down this weekend to see the Equine version of drag racing. It's free, and even though no one wants to see someone hurt in a big ole nasty wreck, they sure as heck don't want to miss it if it happens!